Am I Blue? Reading Response

In the story Am I Blue, by Bruce Coville, the main character, Vincent, does not know if he is gay or straight, or if he is just in the middle. He is unsure of how others will accept him, and he is having trouble accepting himself. To make matters worse, some of the people at his school are taunting him and beating him up for who they think he could be. He is having trouble embracing himself for who he is, gay or straight.

Vincent is always getting beaten up and taunted by a guy at his school named Butch Carrigan, just because Butch thinks that he seems gay. One day, Butch whacks Vincent into a muddy puddle for "looking" at him. "You little fruit, I'll teach you to look at me!" He shouts at him. It would be a lot easier for Vincent to really figure himself out if people were not always trying to repress him. He says that he had been trying to figure out whether he is gay or straight for the past year. Right now, he is basically in the middle.

I think that some people are just frightened by the fact that other people are so different. They cannot understand them, so they try to repress them and they try to stop them from being different. There tons of gay people in the world, but they are afraid of the reactions of the people around them, and that they might get treated the way Vincent was, or worse. Some people know that they are gay, but they try to adapt and act the way people want them to be. For example, in the story, the grocery man, Mr. Alwain, is gay but he is married and he has two kids. Some people are gay, but they will probably never come out for their entire lives.

Other people are scared that they are different, but instead of trying to fit in, they make a sort of “shield of hate.”  They try to protect themselves by teasing and beating up other gay people. They try to disassociate themselves with gays. We find out at the end that Butch Carrigan is gay, even though he beats up Vincent for just that reason. We also see a very anti-gay congressman on TV. He talks about “the great crime of homosexuality” and “the gay threat to American youth.” He is also gay. These were the things that really disturbed Vincent.  He realizes that the people who make his life the most miserable are just like him.

Vincent is currently in the middle, so it wouldn’t be all that hard for him to pretend to be completely straight and blend in with the rest of the crowd. He doesn’t know whether to come out or stay in.

You need to accept yourself for who you are, and not be ashamed. You can’t be afraid of what other people think of you. You don’t have to blend in and do what everyone else is doing, because it’s okay to be different.